A Work In Progress (<---- Me)

I.

Awake

Today I awake with great awareness, great recognitions of self and everything around me. Today I awake with a renewed sense of my path. Today, I am more aware than I have ever been and today there is a heaviness in my heart for I realize my path and in recognition of one's path there comes a sort of loneliness. Not loneliness of spirit, or self, but loneliness in life, here on Earth.  I wish to be among the clouds, the wind upon my face, to smile all the time. I do. I truly do. Yet as a lone eagle soars upon the skyline, I, too, soar alone. That is my realization. That is my path. I am a conduit, my palms raised in supplication and in gratefulness, simultaneous. This I understand and in understanding comes a great weight. Not a bad weight a most wonderful weight. Understanding life is not difficult, being human is hard.

II.

Slumber

In my solitude, I am not alone.  Thoughts are a spectrum, no words nor emotion, images at the speed of light. Like raindrops that fall from the eyes of heaven. They run through my head like thoroughbreds, I hear their hooves clamping down upon my nerve endings causing pain in my neck and shoulders. I am a weary traveler yet have great miles to cover.  I meditate here, now, and ask the Universe to give to me what is truly in my heart. I am gifted by those around me who understand, I am gifted by my child, I am gifted by caring souls who stand by me and I, myself am gifted in knowing.  Yet I wish to concede and sleep. A slumber of all slumbers.  One of princesses and kings. 

I wish to lie my hands folded across my breast and close my lids to humanity yet it claws at my calves as waves rushing to slate rock.  I am being called to duty and I hesitate. I am human and spirit and I want what everyone else has, I held it once in my palm for a lifetime yet the purpose of this existence is being unearthed. Like peeling a fruit, each layer falls, another lifetime. Shed. I am shedding skin every day and parts of me are distributed among the dirt and sedimentary layers of this Earth. It is tiring. I am able to look into one's eyes and see fathoms they do not. I know why I am here. I bow my head in grace . . . not quite knowing how to proceed.

III.

Doubt

My lamplight is dim. The desert winds are cool and my forehead is hot then cold. I am not feverish.  It is Earth calling my name, my real name, the one given to me in incarnations long past. I wish to be lain in lambswool and protected. I need solace from the harsh winds.

IV.

Recognition

Calm, my heart. Calm your fears and attributes.  You are good and needed in this world so calm, my heart. Calm the aching memories of past, calm the present thought that pools like tears in ventricles and atriums. Calm the future. 

Calm my heart, sleep, do not be afraid.  Nightfall is your solace and daybreak is your pain.  Calm, my heart for the angels watch over you. They smile and know. You are too large for this world. Do not close your pathways, keep your senses acute and open.  I understand it is difficult, for you, my heart, you take this world in all embraces, in all cultures, in all aspects, you my heart, you are too giving and that is a beautiful thing.  Yet calm yourself, my heart. You have nothing to fear.

V.

Realization

. . . and then I stepped into the sunlight this strange hour, autumnal cerulean skies, cloudbursts, scries of flight spoke to me.

God:  holding my hand in mediation. 

The drone of an an airplane was above me, eyes closed, peace.  Diaphragm relaxed, colors into view traveled from my eyes to my arms to my palms to my heart:  green, yellow, orange, blue, violet and finally, RED.  And I smiled.

Know Thyself.
Heal Thyself.
Love Thyself. 



© Susan Marie 2009