Tuesday, August 28, 2012

This Is My America


Have you ever looked into the eyes of a homeless man? Caverns, deep and knowing. He sat, humbled beyond comprehension, child by his side - 

I knew this man were homeless not due to attire, due to suitcases, 5-6, surrounding him on all sides. His child quiet, played with a toy -  

At this moment, observing, I wished I had something to write with so I could relay the beauty of this man and his child to the world -

You see, he were dressed in a 3 piece suit. This man, now homeless, had more dignity than those of us who reside in luxury -  

How utterly helpless I felt bearing witness to Father and Son, waiting in line, their number to be called, eventually, like all the rest -

Life is a conundrum, placing us precisely at the exact unexpected moment in time, slow, like molasses, to teach us lessons -

A number called, finally. I held great hope hidden deep within my throat for the child, homeless by circumstance, never once complained -  

And I overheard, "We are unable to help you, sir. You need to have an address to get aid."  The man never rose his voice, the child, still - 

"I just lost my home",  the man replied. "I came here because I have nowhere else to go. My child is hungry." -  

Yet the same monotonous response came from behind the bullet proof glass. "Sir, you must have an address in order to receive aid." - 

He rose then, man and child, no home nor food and grasped the hand of his son. The child understood. Both of their eyes, showing signs of no sleep -  

They walked out of the door dragging all they owned onto the frigid winter streets of Buffalo. I never saw them again, this man and child - 

I hoped he were "just visiting' or that the clerk had made a mistake, but no. This is my America. Man and  child, 3 piece suit, and the cold -  

And even now, safe in my home, I envision them both, Father & Son, begging for things that should be given and I am ashamed at myself - 

Ashamed for not walking to him, for observing, ashamed for not whispering five miraculous words: 

How can I help you?


Susan Marie 2012  

Monday, March 5, 2012

Alive in a Time of Dying

The days meld into nights into days of unrest to rest, my voice. I'm guessing the full moon rising, she may speak on my behalf.

SisterMoonChild shall bat her eyelashes spiderlike to each constellation as they sparkle and dim upon the backdrop of this grand stage.

This place we call Earth, it is a Hell birthing breathing dragons of denial and greed and in between, beauty. The blooming of new life.

The irony that existence is dependent upon black vs. white, good vs. evil, night vs. day, man vs. woman, sun vs. moon, and you vs. me.

Where are the ones standing and speaking for us all, we're outnumbered. Where is the golden chalice, my cup of poison, the holy altar?

I shall gladly drink my share to elevate me from a state of betrayal. Hand me a crudely chiseled cup made only by the hand of man.

Bring it to my lips, love. My eyes shall close, breathing cease, yet my spirit shall soar as pure divine energy.

Oh, what silly creatures to dream a dream upon dreams that may or may not exist according to each of our own waking states.

I shall attempt to reach a state of being and non being, of living while dying alive, of pure esoteric flight, of thinking without thought.

How grand it is to be alive in a time of dying. 

The fresh buds shall bloom when the frost sleeps during Springtimes coming of age. And Summer shall welcome Fall, prepare her for Winter. 

Drink, friends, this cup of mine is yours. 

It is sweet, oh.

Yet it is bitter.


© Susan Marie 2012 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

lines finely sketched



I raise both palms in supplication to that which is more immense than the feeble human mind and cry as thunder for the ills of society.

Voices reverberate in my skull bones causing me to question:  Is it I, solitary human, that has fallen backwards on her own insight?
 

Are we all not sane and insane? Are we all not greater and lesser? Who has the absolute right to judge such a notion? 

Such answers elude me. Raising my weary and shaking palms to the fiery boisterous sky. Waiting for answers only I have the answer to.

The thin line that separates us all is oh, so very fine. Like cracks in fault lines, the smallest disturbance, a chain reaction.
 
I seek answers to questions that have no answers. I must be insane to imagine that fine line, erased, and the middle way, my berth.




 The Valkyrie's Vigil (1906) by Edward Robert Hughes
© Susan Marie 2012

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Nightingales Perched Upon Knots of Mother Nature [ For Syria]

 
The dead speak in tongues known only to nightingales perched upon rheumatic knots of Mother Nature trilling: What fresh hell is this? 

Their voices echo in crisp cold eves, melding with wind's fierce breath. She welcomes them, wind, embracing martyrs, one by one.

Dear Earth, how short life is. We pay homage to those who travel to better places more so than precise moments of our own existence.

We cannot fully experience what death holds dear. Pure and absolute energy, alive and aligned divine with the universe, whole.

There's no reason to fear existence nor death. They are similar, yet this is the playground, the game board, the poker chip.

Each breath of ours mimics movements elsewhere. Do not think that you do not matter. For every fallen soul, there is birth.



Hassan Saad, 13, who fled Idlib in Syria, flashes a victory sign while walking outside the refugees camp near the Turkish-Syrian border in the southeastern city of Yayladagi, on February 16, 2012. Hassan said that his father was killed by the pro-Syrian President Bashar Al-Assad army five months ago.   

© photo Zohra Bensemra

© Susan Marie 2012

Monday, February 13, 2012

This is my blessing, this is my curse


My Lord, you gifted me with sight so that I may be able to close my eyes. This is my blessing, this is my curse.

The compassionate heart You have bestowed upon me, is coiled, ready to strike, as a rattler. This is my blessing, this is my curse.

The mind You have filled with wonder seeks truth within lies. It turns 'round upon itself. This is my blessing, this is my curse. 

These limbs, so frail. The voice You provided me with is thunderous. And yet, this is my blessing, this is my curse.

My back feels broken, God. It pains me to carry weights and this path is but partially spent. This is my blessing, this is my curse. 

This night, Your gift. The Angels sigh sweet slumbers. When dawn breaks, it will be silent. This is my blessing, this is my curse.

The spirit You have filled inside of this frame, I fear, is too strong for it's own skeleton. This is my blessing, this is my curse.

I wish to sleep eternal in wonder. It's lovely there, yet You shake dreams from my tresses. This is my blessing, this is my curse.

I know not any outcome of this existence, yet as I fall, I brush off, stand and keep walking. This is my blessing, this is my curse.

The Angels that sing to me now, send them to souls that never heard Your beautiful trills. This is my blessing, this is my curse.

I shall rest in trust and love knowing that what I write is read by you, Creator. For words are my blessing, and words are my curse.


© Susan Marie 2012

Friday, September 2, 2011

of precious dawn





we sleep inside this realm of being
living while dying
alive

such fragile creatures we are
human

we take flight each eve 
as birds of precious dawn

oh, this fine hour

soaring above sweet cirrus
far surpassing realms of glory
worlds where we are all equal

i see this in my dreams
in my eyes
in my sight 

this sight  


My Lord, why were I born with such a soft heart? 


i sigh for the leaves 
as they leap from the limbs of Mother Nature
one by one they fall to untimely deaths
empty breaths

her children

yet she remains silent
sentinel 

unable to mourn

preparing for the frost.




© Susan Marie 2011 










Saturday, August 6, 2011

i were deaf, dumb and blind to you

deaf.
i heard nothing

not even the grass, green
speaking leaves upon my heart

your voice, a choir
seamless, vociferous

 
dumb.
my feet barren, blackened 

no matter how many miles
i traveled
to find you


blind.
i wrote my heart

upon pages of books
ripped out a few sheets
put the most crucial drops of my soul

there

then wandered aimless meadows
where daises spoke to me
saying:

"Child, ssssssshhhh . . .



Awake." 





© Susan Marie 2011 

(Thank you, Aamir bhai)

Sunday, July 31, 2011

ignorant american

maybe i am an ignorant american
sick with fever
undiagnosed by modern medicine

one that fills my organs
so that it rains for weeks
and clouds elbow sun
from horizons

maybe i am an ignorant american

blind to beauty in ugliness
and ugliness in beauty
yet all of it mingles
like oil and water 

convoluted

this world is madness and i am sane

for children with hungry mouths
have fat bellies
and women survive
with no means of surviving
while men fight wars
they do not believe in

my tuliped crown is weary
and i have yet to battle
for my throat has already tightened
swallowing the world whole
causing me to choke
on my own insight

maybe i am an ignorant american
yet i am unable to deny the universe
as it pulls my sternum forward
magnetic 


directing me to stand
                              
           speak
                                                       change

do something other than
                              
                  stay
                              
                             silent


my mind cannot fathom dramatics
there is no room for apathy nor treason
yet this world is chaotic


and i
this ignorant american
am set loose on blind chase
for strings upon strings
of chains and weights
shackled to wrists and necks
where spirits float
to endless realms
smiling, once smiling
now they smile

gone

they are free and i
this ignorant american
am left to assemble arms, legs and various leftovers
of existence

it is tight to my chest
safe from onslaught
for it is mine to bear

no beginning no end
an ignorant american
i may be

but my heart

is good


© Susan Marie 2011

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

River *for Ilmana*


river

selfless, unending
love
you give life

your heart
washes hands of maidens
princes and kings
paupers

priceless lines of life
rebirthed, clean, pure
again

river

i have no name for you
you need no title
no right in this existence to be
as i do
human
fallible
unworthy of your
kiss

i take solemn refuge
by your face
damsel flies dance
upon the surface of your skin
ageless

my river
unconditional grace
i am not worthy
of a solitary drink
i bring to parched lips

yet you pay no heed
river

you are silent in speech
yet your cries
fill my spirit with agony

how do you remain in motion
and at peace?



© Susan Marie 2011 For Ilmana Fasih


Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Literary Withdrawal: Death of a Book


 
I have a stabbing inherent fear that books, like many of its authors, shall one day become extinct.  This revelation came to me because I was forced to purchase a tape cassette recorder to listen to a tape, and as I held it in my hand found myself thinking:  


I cannot believe I found one to buy.  

 
Thank goodness for eBay.   Garage sales.  Used bookstores.
 
Bookstores. 
 
You must take pride in the owner of a bookstore.  A secret society where members travel, perusing olde wooden shelving like mad Norseman, pillaging layers of books, bindings, blowing cobwebs from dust covers uncovering a treasure or two.  
 
 A book is the fruit of self.  Knowledge unsurpassed.  Everything I have learned has come directly from books.  Let me correct myself: books and the street.  
   
When entering a bookstore, I bypass the front tables streamed with discounts and deals.  New authors with their third book published about the exact same things they said in the first.  I head straight to the back, where the literature is hiding.   You can always tell they attempt to hide it.  

Try and ask someone working there exactly WHERE the LIT section is and they point you towards  . . . someplace over . . . there.  
 
In reality, they have no idea what Literature is. 
 
*sigh*  

 
Poetry is the second place I visit.  Then onto biographies, music, art, photography and lastly, the horribly sad cart where tattered books lie that nobody wants.  The cart of misfits.  It is upon this cart, I always find a volume I want.  Maybe that is because I, myself, am a misfit and that's okay.  I like being different.  It is who I am.  

 
Sitting here now I am surrounded by books books books, how I adore them so.  They are best friends to me.  Run your hands up the spine of a book, it is life itself breathing inside waiting for your eyes only to discover an entirely new world created by another’s psyche.
 
How truly fascinating.  


An old book holds something entirely different.  They are my favorites to own.  I often wonder what hands had passed these pages?  How many people cried, felt happiness, pain, grief, love, and enlightenment from handling this book now in my possession?
 

The corners are tattered a bit, sure, but this gives it persona.  Tells you it doesn't fuck around, man and it is meant to BE read because it has BEEN read.  Now it's your turn to ride that steep climb up the first hill of a coaster.  
 
 Get ready . . . the turn is coming; you can feel it now, can't you?  The existential drop of your belly as you lift slightly from your seat and remain airborne for a millisecond that lasts a lifetime just to be dropped straight downhill into an Inferno that brings you around dark corners, through forests, screaming wild and flipping pages as night turns into day.
  

This just caused me to think of not only the books, but also the writers of such books.  Where have they all gone?  Why is it that they are noticed after their death?  After a complete and utter living hell interspersed with momentary lapses of euphoric bliss?
  
Ahh . . . but not in the pages.  Within the pages, they survive.   This is their gift, the gift of any writer to the reader.  Regeneration by pure esoteric thought.
 

I think of Hemingway, poor Papa.  No longer could he write, he could not think after they strapped his brilliance to the electro shocks and stripped him of his gift.   It is no wonder he took one of his prized shotguns, purchased at Abercrombie and Fitch.  It used to be a sporting goods store. 
 

Kerouac.  Oh, how I want to lay his wearied brow in my lap.  The thing with Jack is that he saw so much fucking beauty, traveled so far, so young, ran with bums, slept in alleys, walked in below freezing temperatures in order to FEEL life beat in his veins as his own blood.  Jack set out what he meant to do.  Jack had a purpose and when it was met he was done.  Tired.  Down.  
 
Jack was beat.
 
I could sit here with you for hours speaking of writers gone home.   I wish I could but fear boring you right out of your mind.    


Besides, you really should be reading something of worth.

Lawrence Ferlinghetti must be lonely.
 
 

"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow Roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars . . ."

 

— Jack Kerouac  On The Road

 

© Susan Marie 

Sunday, June 12, 2011

A Smile He Gives To Me



a smile he gives to me
during dusk of day
when the world is collapsing
upon itself

again

and people choose to stay
ignorant

he smiles
at me

always
a smile

Even when I scream:

"Nobody listens to what I am saying."

"What of Palestine, Pakistan, Yemen, Bahrain, Egypt, and Libya?"

"What has happened since the 6 Day War, 1947, 1967, 1971?"


"Am I the only living being who knows that God loves us all?"



And then he smiles.

Just that.



One smile. 



And I


am set

at ease. 



* * * 

For my Akhi.


Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Shahada



my spirit knows your own, brother
who is my friend
and my love
yet you are my brother
here and now

Jibril placed a solitary feather
of majestic angels wing
upon both of our foreheads
gifted us with sight
to show what could be
and cannot

my brother, do you realize
how I know you,
as I do not even know myself
as you know me,
as you do not know yourself

look, look into a mirror
there i am
in your eyes
deep concentric pools of truth
lie beauty

we have been gifted with understanding
a treasure princes and kings
have fought and perished for
centuries past
connected as such
now

i am oceans away
my brother
who is my friend
yet my love

my spirit knows your own, 


brother


Sunday, May 8, 2011

mortification by Shazia Gulzar and Susan Marie

if i had a choice, i would have changed.
i would have altered, all the ways i have paved, 

for you, for me, for all of us.

but i could not, so forgive me for all the wrong.

i was all roped in snares, 

of this viciously attractive world. 


now that i want to change, 

this world is acting strange. 

the struggle with fallacy, the bigotry of my mind,

i am fed up so i am putting you behind.


the salvation i seek, the amendments i want to make, 

i have given up on all what it takes. 


so adios to you, to me and to all of you,

i tried and tried and tried

but alas! 


in the end 
i failed.

* * * 

if i had a choice, and i do
i would change nothing, no altering nor paving
not for you, me, us, anyone
for i have no regret nor sin

the creases of my pale and shaking palms
lined red with blood
are roped and snared
as thoroughbreds in corrals
from this malicious existence called humanity

i, too wish change
for the world is off kilter

ghosts of past dig their gnarled rheumatic claws
into the marrow of my bones
i simply swat my upturned palm 


my battered brain and spirit
this walking wounded self
like you, me, all of us
i, too say farewell

but we have not failed
nor given up
we have progressed

and that 

is our 

salvation


© 2011 Shazia Gulzar and Susan Marie  

Friday, April 29, 2011

One, Two, Three - for Hind Houas in Tunisia






 
God put you by me
so i am reminded
how beautiful this world is

when it gets ugly and rough
and as humans
we become tired

when our backbones begin to bend
our knees buckle a bit
and the shine in our spirit starts to dim
 
thats how humanity is
rather should be

collective conscious butterflies
soaring through cerulean skies
of cotton candied memories
of lives past

Yes, we have forgotten us, and in that, each other

God? He never forgets
you see, we leave Him

He appears in the eyes of a hungry child
a tired Mother
a working Father

in restless youth
the ill and elderly
the living and dying

He is there, eternal

and we, humans, mere beings,
lost and searching
for some kind of immense answer
to all of THIS 

take care of it
and one another
as one would heave
a used paper cup into a bag of trash

we do that, humans

and as leaves drift during Autumn
snow flies in Winter
when the rains come in Spring
and the sun shines her own tired smile in Summer

it is through simple acts of kindness
that I, a mere being
wondering herself
in this vast mad place we exist

feel the utter unconditional presence 


of Spirit.



© Susan Marie 2011 for Hind Houas (Thank you)

Friday, April 8, 2011

"aik dua" (a prayer) for Sana


i cant afford 
to hurt myself

anymore


God, hear my supplication!

i am but one of your
many
chosen
beautiful
wondrous
children

but this world 

is going wrong
and right
simultaneous

i am caught
in the turbine
the windmill
the tsunami the earthquakes
the wars and drones
the dropping bombs
on innocent souls
the planes and guns
the whirring of the helicopter wind in my
face

my face
my beautiful innocent grace
has not fallen from your gaze

humanity has taken me
is breaking me
in
to this
now
present
past

my future is my pale and shaking hands
my heart bleeds
and my love
is eternal
but my Dear God
My Lord
i am here
on bloodied knees
scarred from lives past
begging you

to take this weight
to replace it with no hate
to make the world see
through my eyes
please

through the trees
and ancient limbs
lost in bundles of bodies
strewn
in graveyards
of thought
and ryhme
of time

this time
my time

is
now

and

i

am

beautiful 





© Susan Marie 2011 

(Inspired by Sana Khan, the first line caused the rest, then she titled it.)

Thursday, February 17, 2011

the poet


"My soul lies therein, inked upon skin, ages of scrying tolls, bells ringing like birds singing, falling to their ultimate demise. Living is surviving one thousand timely deaths and one million births, simultaneous. My pen, my voice, my voice, my palms, my soul is my vehicle, my thunder, my vociferous resounding heart; beating. On bent knee, in reverence, this gift I do accept." 


my soul lies therein
inked upon skin

ages upon ages of
scrying
death
tolls

bells ringing like birds singing

falling falling to their
ultimate
demise

living is surviving
and one thousand timely deaths
are but one million births
on this plane
still breathing

of blood and love
and loss and lust
of good and bad
and the deep dark
velvet night
of silent embrace

oh my love, my sight
my pen is my voice
my voice are my palms
my soul is my vehicle
my thunder
my vociferous
resounding
beating heart

my soul pleading
through my pen bleeding

My Lord, My God
my head thus bent
in reverence
this gift i do accept

on bended knee
for you

my soul lies therein
inked upon skin

falling falling
to
its
ultimate

life




© Susan Marie 2011

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

worse than death

i often wonder
what one gains
from lying


for to me
to deceive
is worse than death

it is rape of the soul

with eyes wide open
breathing

barely.



© Susan Marie 2011 


*inspired By Shazia Gulzar, dedicated to the brave people of Egypt*

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Al Kahf (The Cave)


When I seek affirmation, I take my Qu'ran,  always on my desk while I work or write, place my left palm flat upon the cover, open it randomly and always, it speaks to me.

My Qu'ran is different. It was gifted to me by an Imam in a masjid in Buffalo, New York.
I simply walked in one day, saw a man in the front of the masjid, dressed in a suit with slightly greying hair, and said, "Salam, I wish to learn of Islam."

The man did not hesitate, he took the exact Qu'ran used in prayer and handed it to me.  It is worn leather with gold scripting on the cover that I am unable to see any longer, and deep forest green.  It is written in both Arabic and English, translated by Abdullah Yusuf Ali from 1420 AH.  It smells of flowers. 

[I can smell them now with it open.]

I adore it, it's mine and it's special. 


I bowed my head to the man and said, "Salam, what do I owe you for this?"  He said, with a confused look on his face, "No, nothing, we do not charge for Qu'ran, this is gift."

That is the first time I had ever stepped into a mosque.

This Qu'ran was meant for me. When I place my hand upon the cover, I feel very safe. I opened it just now to this:

Surah 18: Al Kahf: (The Cave) C.135

"The life of this world is ephemeral, and its gains will not last. Good deeds are the best possessions in Allahs sight. All will be leveled up on the Day of Judgment, and a new order created on the basis of Truth, according to the Book of Deeds. Pride is the root of evil, rebellion and wrong. Who will choose evil ones in preference to Allah? Let us accept Truth, for though falsehood may flourish for a time, it must perish in the end."

* * * 

Abdullah Yusuf Ali scripted a letter in this Qu'ran.  He is humble considering he learned to read the Qu'ran in Arabic between ages 4-5, reciting the entire text by memory. Ali was a South Asian Islamic Scholar born in Surat, Gujarat, British India. His translation of the Qu'ran to English is the most widely known. 

In one part Ali states, "It is the duty of every Muslim- man, woman or child - to read the Qu'ran and understand it according to his own capacity. If any one of us attains to some knowledge or understanding of it by study, contemplation, and the test of life, both outward and inward, it is his duty, according to his capacity, to instruct others, and share with them the joy and peace which result from contact with the spiritual world. 

The Qu'ran, indeed every religious book, has to be read, not only with the tongue and voice and eyes, but with the best light that our intellect can supply, and even more, with the truest and purest light which our heart and conscience can give us. It is in this spirit that I would have my readers approach the Qu'ran."


["Dhu al-Hijjah" means ‘Possessor of the Pilgrimage.’ It is during this month that pilgrims from all around the world congregate at Makkah (Masjid al-Haram, or Mecca, Saudi Arabia) to visit the Kaaba [al-Kaʿbah or The Cube.]

* * *

"As to those who believe and work righteousness, verily We shall not suffer to perish the reward of any who do a (single) righteous deed." - Surah 18: 30  



* * * 

القرآن الكريم



The Qur'ān is the central religious text of Islam. The Qur'an is the literal word of God as revealed to Muhammad (pbuh, Peace Be Upon Him) over a period of twenty-three years by the angel Gabriel (Jibril) and regard it as God's (Allah) final revelation to mankind.

* * * 

Rukan Yamani (Kabah, Mekkah, Hajj, Saudi Arabia)

 العربية: صورة بانورامية للمسجد الحرام في مكة بالسعودية



*The Qu'ran, to me, is poetry *

Salam,

Susan Marie